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  • Writer's pictureMistrix Violeta Félix

4 Lessons I Learned In My 4 Years Of Domming

Updated: Jul 14, 2023

March! What an important month in My life history. It was in March 2018 that I officially launched myself as a professional Dominatrix. What a ride it has been these past few years! I am eternally grateful to the Dommes that guided me along the way in My journey, and the wonderful submissives, fetishists, and kinksters that have filled my life with such memorable experiences. I have gone through a lot in these 4 years, from having subs funding my travels to Puerto Rico to participate in the 2019 uprising, holding hands inside people, trash worms, almost becoming part of an S&M cult in the backwoods of upstate New York, mental dental, cat man, the Jesus Christ of fisting, to working in Argentina, Puerto Rico, Austin, Boston, LA, and of course, New York. With all of that said, let's look at 4 lessons that I've learned in the past 4 years:


It's Not Personal, It's Femdom.


Jealousy and possessiveness can be a killer in this business. From day 1 My Domme mentors (Daddies? Guardians? Spirit Guides?) taught me not to be bitter if a client sees other people. We are not competing against each other, we all work together. There is enough to go around for everyone. It was very often that I would see a lot of the Dommes in the Austin scene share a lot of clients, pass along clients, double with those clients, etc. We have to keep the Dominatrix economy going! Acting nasty about a colleague seeing a client that you used to see is very petty and quite frankly, pretty tacky. Also, a client seeing someone else doesn't have to do with your attractiveness or skills, sometimes the chemistry wasn't there (not anybody's fault), or clients are just sluts that want to see everybody. A chunk of them may come back, others don't, who cares! There are a lot more people out there that will be way more appreciative of you, your skills, and your company. Don't focus on the ones who left, and don't take it out on others that are trying to make a living just like you.


A True Submissive Doesn't Talk, They Act


Across the years, I've had a lot of people reaching out to Me with big talk about having lots of money, saying that they want to buy all kinds of things, that they want to be My eternally devoted slave, and so on and so forth. They write lengthy messages about how they'll move hell and high water just to be at My feet, that they are powerful and professional rich men ready to spoil My every whim. Did any of them follow up? Of course not. However, I have had a lot more people that do spoil Me without saying a single word about it. A true submissive actually cares about Me, they don't just focus on their fantasy. They're proactive in their service and are accepting of growth to be their best self for Me. If you mean it, just do it.


Only You Define Your Domination Style


Femme Domme has been around for... How many years? Hundreds? Thousands? Safe to say, there have been a million approaches to Feminine Domination and every single one is extremely individual. Some people will opinionate dumb stuff like: "Real Dommes don't wear lingerie", "Real Dommes don't smile", "Real Dommes™ don't whistle", etc. I find those kinds of people very stuck in a narrow view of what is Femme Domme, and quite frankly, that's just their opinion, which is not my problem. What's most important is that I define what feels powerful and Dominant for ME. It took Me a bit of time and experimenting to find what genuinely felt comfortable and enjoyable for Me, and that doesn't have to live up to someone else's arbitrary standards.


S/M Is An Incredible Window Into The Human Psyche


Alejandro Jodorowsky created the concept of psychomagic, in which one materializes their subconscious through poetic action, leading to self-revelations, healing, and much more. I feel that this describes BDSM very well, as all the actions we engage in are poetic actions manifesting from deep within our psyche, which in turn become somewhat reflected in how we interact with the outside world. Through masochism, one can develop more endurance and inner strength. Through fetishism, one can find the erotic in the mundane. Through Femme Domme, one can develop a new understanding and appreciation of feminine people and their power. One of My favorite activities is picking through My submissive's brain. Who are you? What motivated you to do this? Where did you discover this? What are you afraid of? What is your passion? How can I use this to morph you into a better version of yourself? I am so grateful to have met such a great diversity of humans and learning about their personal journeys. I have deeply enjoyed weaving so many unique fantasies, diving deep into My submissives' minds by using their bodies as a vessel.

Here's to many more years, and many more adventures to come.

All the best,

-Mx. Violeta


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